Professional Sweetheart: 5/6/24
Work For Love
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First off, if you’ve not seen Challengers (2024) yet — sorry! I’m not going to spoil it necessarily, but you know I’ve got some wandering thoughts about the new film that our collective Horny Spring deserves.
First off, just to get this out of the way, let’s agree to have different opinions when it comes to what constitutes horny. I feel like this is the main driver of current debate amongst my friends and I when it comes to this film. There are many stops on the spectrum, which I personally see ranging from “Vanderpump Rules seasons 1-3 Lisa Vanderpump” to “dead inside”. One person’s extravagant dick joke is just another person’s cafeteria churro after all. At the end of the day, I think I just let my “woman of simple pleasures” brain take over while watching the film. Shall we just gaze at beautiful rich people in tennis whites navigating sex and love, again? I mean, there’s a reason why I worship Eric Rohmer, after all.
Claire’s Knee (1970, Eric Rohmer)
Though I did know it was a Luca Guadagnino film (which, as you know, guarantees us a base level of hornball-ism if anything), I didn’t know much else going in. Especially when it came to the principal actors of the film. I only remember Josh O’Connor from The Crown, where I always maintained he was way too hot to play Prince Charles, even in a youthful heyday. Despite only seeing about three episodes of Euphoria, ever, I really like Zendaya. She’s gorgeous, she seems cool, she reps the bi-racial crew, she’s got a slightly tomboyish energy to her — what’s not to love. And the last guy, the fair-haired one: I couldn’t clock him at all but as Art I thought he was a great angular balance to Patrick’s swarthiness. In terms of their combined chemistry, it felt very effortless, fun, and sexy. Lots of eye contact, which you know I love. Shots of people just bent over something for no good reason other than to make you blush, maybe. Plus, how could I not love the concept of the lady running the entire apparatus for once. I kept thinking to myself, if I looked like Zendaya for even five minutes, I would definitely use the alchemy of my hotness to make all boys who want me just kiss each other instead.
One thing I did think watching Challengers is that there are virtually no apologies for class in this movie. And to be honest, I didn’t really need there to be. This is a horny world, after all; a fantasy of endless flirting and sexually charged innuendo, the narrative domain of the rich playboy. There are plenty of movies I’ve been fascinated with over the years that are set in a closed system of privilege that I can’t access, and that seems to be the entire point for me. (I mean, I just told you I watched every episode of The Crown even though it made me hate the Royal Family even more than I already do.) And for what its worth, tennis has always had this intoxicating air of distinction to it. It’s probably because of stuff like Wimbledon, European people, the all-white fits, colonization, respect for tradition, etc. It’s no wonder that people love to set movies about interpersonal relationships around it.
Strangers on a Train (1951, Alfred Hitchcock)
Hard, Fast and Beautiful (1951, Ida Lupino)
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001, Wes Anderson)
I actually played tennis competitively for a few years when I was young. As you can imagine, I basically felt like an outlier the entire time, for several reasons. (Also, I should note that I played in a pre-Serena and Venus world. I can’t even imagine what that would have been like. I think the best I could hope for during my day was Andre Agassi wearing loud colors and having Sunset Strip hair?!) My dad was a huge tennis guy in the 80’s and early 90’s and in middle school he coaxed me into playing both USTA and ALTA (the Atlanta Lawn Tennis Association, which actually was product placed in Challengers at one point because it was filmed here). To be honest, I was already spending every summer on a traveling softball team, so I can’t even fathom how I had time for both sports. With two working parents, even! Alas, I was terrible at tennis. Besides being way too goblin-like to ever look as lithe and effortless as Zendaya, I couldn’t figure out how to control the ball in the way that actually scored points. I would hit it really hard but also sort of OUT. Plus, I was always overthinking every time I served and would sort of get freaked out right at the inflection point as I was about to hit it, which of course, also means OUT. At some point my coach ended up putting me on the “alternate” Double 2 team, that’s how bad I sucked. (For reference, the best player on the team was Singles 1. She was also a beautiful blonde, just in case you were wondering.) Sadly, I loved playing tennis. Getting into a nice, long rally is the best feeling in the world. And it felt very natural for me to be in a swishy jacket, carrying a racquet bag (plus, a freshly opened can of tennis balls is a scent fetish of mine). But let’s face it — I sucked. And I didn’t look the part at all, which at that time, was like 90% of it. I could have probably stayed out of the sun that summer, gotten my flyaways sorted out, and taken private lessons or something. But I’m sure my parents were already too in over their heads with the current situation. In all honesty, I should have figured out I’d never assimilate fully into this elite world when I was in Hilton Head, SC for a family vacation (at a tennis resort, duh) and I played with my dad in white jean shorts and a Ministry t-shirt.
But those very preppy Ray-Ban Clubmasters, though.
Perhaps to that end, Challengers is secretly about having a sport that you’re pretty good at effectively run the course of your entire life. On different levels, Art, Patrick, and Tashi feel this acutely. I often think a lot about playing sports as a young person and being on that path for a long time. Giving up all my summers to travel to play sports, all those weekends in the fall, every night after school practicing something. When I got to high school, I played ball, and definitely thought I’d do it in college, too. I eventually walked away from sports altogether my sophomore year of high school. I decided I’d much rather smoke cigarettes, go downtown, and listen to alternative music instead. However, I do think from time to time: what if I hadn’t done that? Would I have enjoyed my life of rigorous training, diet/exercise, and travel? Would I have succeeded? Married a guy who was also in my sport, had a kid? Broken my leg at some point and become a coach or a commentator? What if I hadn’t gone off to the woods with my teammate Valerie that afternoon after practice, after we’d put on our flight jackets over our softball uniforms, and sat smoking Marlboro Reds until it was time for her dad to come get us? When she pulled out a bottle of Navy perfume and sprayed it in a cloud for us to walk through to hide the smell? What if we’d just gone off with the rest of the girls to eat Star Crunches and Gatorade next to the old batting cages? Who would I be now?
Have a great week,
Millie
Movies Mentioned
Challengers (2024, Luca Guadagnino)
Claire’s Knee (1970, Eric Rohmer)
Strangers on a Train (1951, Alfred Hitchcock)
Hard, Fast and Beautiful (1951, Ida Lupino)
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001, Wes Anderson)
Thank gawd you went into the forest!